Today marks five months of being Parkinson’s symptom free. I am blessed. Speaking of being blessed, our friends Mary and Jerry gave us an impromptu invitation to come over for some bean stew for dinner last night. This morning as I was thinking about how wonderful the bean stew was, I realized how blessed Sally and I are to have Mary and Jerry, friends for over 20 years…friends with whom we can talk about everything and nothing…friends with whom we can plop down on the couch and just be…friends with whom we can be with for a couple of hours and feel like we’ve only been there a couple of minutes. You may ask what this has to do with Parkinson’s recovery…everything.
When I had Parkinson’s, I was unable to just be, that is, just be in the moment and just be myself. Why? Here is an excerpt from my Parkinson’s daily journal from one year ago today that may shed some light on why:
“11/12/09. Up at 4. Seems cooler this morning, no real difference in how I feel. I guess this is my new self. As the morning has progressed, it has gotten cooler so I switched from shorts to jeans. I noticed that my legs do not like this colder, damper weather. They are fighting me. Regular walking, if you can call it that, has been difficult today. Balance is off as knees are wobbly, calves and thighs are tight and not working in conjunction. I am worn out. I do not like this new self at all.”
As you can see, I had a new self I did not like. My new self looked odd and walked awkwardly. My new self was in pain all the time. My new self hunched forward and had no balance. My new self had to figure out how to get the shaving cream on a part of my face that my hand no longer would go to. My new self had to learn a new way to eat because I could not get my utensil to my mouth. My new self had tremors all the time. I think you get the point — I was unable to be, just be in the moment and just be myself because I had a new self I did not like and who I did not enjoy being with — I had a Parkinson’s self. And the future of a Parkinson’s self was not pleasant, and created fear and anger and resentment, all of the emotions I knew I needed to get under control because they were the ones that helped my Parkinson’s manifest itself.
It was not until I realized that I needed to deeply explore my Parkinson’s self, actually be in the moment with it, day after day after day, with my dreaded Parkinson’s self, that I would be on the true path to getting better. I had to look at my Parkinson’s self and say, “I do not like you. I have the power to heal myself. And when I heal myself, I will be rid of you.” Maybe this will help you understand why I have listed “I have the power to heal myself” as Step 1 to recovery from Parkinson’s. Without knowing that you have the power to heal yourself, it will be very difficult to stay in the moment day after day after day on your path to recovery.
I know you have the power to heal yourself. You need to know it in your heart and from the depths of your soul. Take a deep breath, and let it out slowly. As you let out your breath, follow your breath and be in the moment. Now, take another deep breath. Close your eyes and, while slowly letting out your breath, whisper “I have the power to heal myself.” Do this a few times and maybe you will start to feel it in your heart and soul that you have the power to heal yourself.
As you do Steps 1-5 below, try to re-create your “being in the moment” feeling.
Step 1. Believe in yourself. You have the power to heal yourself. Repeating the phrase “I have the power to heal myself” will go a long way to achieving success with Step 1.
Step 2. Get your feet pointing straight, get your balance back, and be with other people.
Step 3. Stand with your feet pointing straight.
Step 4. Brain vibration chanting and awareness of neural (electrical) impulses.
Step 5. Medical Qigong for the liver.
Step 6. Be in the moment as you confront Parkinson’s and put into practice, “I have the power to heal myself.”
More to come.
All my best,
Howard
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