On December 6th, I proposed doing a study. On December 10th, after very little response, I outlined what I envisioned for a study. Less interest than on the 6th. As a result, I will be unable to go forward with the study I envisioned. I had been fluctuating on how to express this and where to take things from here. Then, yesterday morning while reading Not Always So by Shunryu Suzuki, I got the answer.
Suzuki was giving a lecture and he explained how a kerosene lamp needed the proper mixture of kerosene, air, and matches for correct combustion. If not the correct mixture, you end with nothing more than a smoky kerosene lamp. He then stated, “Maybe I am a very smoky kerosene lamp. I don’t necessarily want to give a lecture…When I start to talk, it is already a smoky kerosene lamp. As long as I must give a lecture, I have to explain, ‘This is right practice, this is wrong, this is how to practice zazen [sitting meditation]….’ It is like giving you a recipe. It doesn’t work. You cannot eat a recipe.” Page 128.
The way I see it, although you cannot eat a recipe, if you follow it, you can achieve the desired result.
As I have been writing this blog, I have explained as much in depth as possible the things I did to recover, including providing some videos. Also, I explained that there were some things I did that I just could not explain in the blog. Here is what I realized I need to do: Give you the recipe, the entire recipe to my recovery.
I am going to spend some time with my wife and children over the next couple of weeks during the holidays, and I am going to gather everything I have to share with you. The things that are too difficult to explain, I will give you the book title and author as well as the pages I found meaningful in my recovery. In January, I will post my entire recipe for recovery.
Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to all.
All my best,