A few days ago, I posted, “Fighting Parkinson’s, and keeping your faith strong.” In that post, I shared an excerpt from my November 15, 2009 personal Parkinson’s Daily Journal from when I had the disease. Many people commented on the blog and in emails to me that it was helpful to see what I was struggling through and to see that I did not lose faith. Today, I would like share with you my personal Parkinson’s Daily Journal entry from November 18, 2009, two years ago today, but I cannot.
November 17, 2009 was my last daily journal entry, and in March of 2010, I started this blog. My November 17, 2009 entry was difficult to write and hard for me to read even now, “Up at 4. Stiff, slow moving, got to the kitchen at 4:09.” I had written in the daily journal every day for almost two months, and I could write no more. The pain was too intense and barely anything was readable after the first two letters of each word. It takes a large dose of faith to continue with the Recipe for Recovery at that point, but I did.
Hindsight tells me that it was a blessing that I could no longer write in my daily journal. When I read through it, yes, there is a lot of hope and faith and love for my wife and children. However, I will have to admit that there was a whole lot of being consumed with living Parkinson’s instead of living life. Looking at it now, I see that I was measuring my deterioration, from how long it took me to get to the kitchen each morning to how stiff I was or how painful my rigidity had become.
I know I was measuring these things so I would know when I was recovering. How foolish was I. I had overlooked the fact that every day when I woke up and got out of bed and made my coffee and did my Recipe for Recovery, I was recovering. That’s right, recovering! I did these things because I had faith that I would recover. If we lack faith in our recovery, we stay in bed or we sleep so much we don’t know if it is day or night, and we don’t make our coffee in the morning, and we don’t do the Recipe for Recovery…what would be the point…we have no faith we will recover.
Faith is an interesting thing. When we are experiencing wonderful things in life, faith in ourselves and our lives is easy and natural. When we are experiencing difficulties in life, faith in ourselves and our lives is difficult and unnatural. Where we make progress in life is when we are experiencing difficulties in life and we still can find faith in ourselves and faith in our lives.
For those of you who are struggling with your Parkinson’s and shaky with your faith in yourself and your life, please seize this opportunity. Seize the opportunity to begin your recovery by having faith in yourself and faith in your life, which leads to faith in your recovery.
So, look inside yourself, find that spark of faith you used to have but misplaced somewhere along the way, and grab onto it, light it up, and say, “I have the power to heal myself.” Please remember to hold onto that spark of faith strongly…you will need it to fight your Parkinson’s on the bumpy road ahead. And while you are holding tightly to your spark of faith, take action against your Parkinson’s and defeat it! I did it. Marie did it. You can do it! Aren’t you worth it?
All my best,
Howard
I recite” I have the power to heal myself” as I walk my dogs every morning – dogs think I am bonkers but what the heck? Sometimes I feel I am better and sometimes I feel worse. I cycled 12 miles today which was great and my gait has improved since doing tui na – still have real bother bruising teeth and cleaning the shower. When I heard about Marie I immediately felt better – which says an awful lot.
Thanks for all the updates,
Lindsey
Thanks again, for the pep talk. I am choosing to focus on living life, in spite of fighting PD. And I’m doing the recipe. And I will recover. I am presently riding the train to St Louis by myself. It’s a glorious day. Blessings to all. We are winning!
Teri
Hi Lindsey and Teri,
Both of you inspire me.
Lindsey, I am so happy to see you doing your cycling…that alone is a sign of recovery. As far as your dogs thinking you are bonkers, here is a quote from Dan Millman you can tell your dogs, “Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you come to your senses.” I feel it applies to Parkinson’s recovery.
Teri, You gave me such a big smile when you wrote, “I am choosing to focus on living life, in spite of fighting PD.” It is a choice, and it is a wonderful choice. Riding the train to St. Louis by yourself is a sign of recovery.
Thank you both for sharing.
With gratitude and blessings,
Howard
buna Howard .eu sunt doua zile rele si a treia e buna ,un lucru bun e ca pot sa scriu mai usor si cu litere egala ,singurul meu simtom e tremorul si putina rigiditate.Urmatoare care e recuperata va fi Teri,eu la anul in septembrie fiindca e pd de 11 ani si uneori mai iau o jumate de pastila,,trisez putin si cu exercitiile.asa sunt eu mai comoda.Va imbratisez cu drag Leo
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Leo’s translation:
Good Howard. I’m two bad days and the third is good, a good thing is that I can write more easily and with equal letters, my only symptom is tremor and some rigidity. Next that is recovered will be Teri. I will be next year in September because it is pd for 11 years and sometimes take half a pill, cheat less and exercise. I’m just more comfortable. With loving embrace, Leo
Hi Leo,
You are doing great. It is so wonderful to hear about your writing. You are recovering…”my only symptom is tremor and some rigidity.” How fantastic is that!
Blessings,
Howard
Leo,
Thank you for your confidence! I am on my way to recovery and you are too, just like many others in this community. I found it difficult to stick with the recipe while I was out of town this weekend. But I’m back on track today and hope to stick with it faithfully until I recover. Keep fighting! We are winning this battle!
With love,
Teri
I’ve just read both of the latest posts, and all of the comments. How exciting to feel all the faith, courage and support being shared here. We are a lucky bunch! It is wonderful to read the comments and see the shifts in awareness and the victories over the disease. I never took any meds and am in awe of each of you who is defying that medical model and choosing to take yourself off the drugs and fight Parkinson’s.
You are so brave, and from what I read in your posts, it is working. You are getting better.
Because it is such a powerful component in my own recovery, I offer this :
Fully acknowledge yourself and give yourself credit for what you are doing. Love yourself for how truly brave you are
and how dedicated you are to healing yourself. Thank yourself for this precious gift you are giving yourself. Sit in that feeling and give your brain a lovely dopamine bath.
Our gracious guide, Howard, always tells us that we are doing it for ourselves, and still, I think we tend to praise everyone else for the inspiration they are providing.
Be grateful to yourself, too, for having that opening that let the inspiration move you.
For me, this has been a good tool, and I hope it may be useful. I found it very hard to do ,at first. Kind of embarrassing. And actually, it is even a little hard to write about
now.
“What? She sits around loving herself????”
I’ll tell you, I do, every chance I get.
The gratitude I feel for my recovery is immense. Thank you’s flow in all directions…to Howard, to each of you for creating this community, to the internet which allowed me to find the website, to Chinese masters for creating those Qigong exercises, to Janice Walton-Hadlock (pdrecovery.org) for her research and for making it available to all of us for free, for all the parts and pieces that make up the Recipe for Recovery, to Dr Sha, to Qigong Empowerment…it goes on and on…all the tools I was given…all the support I found…
And along the way, I did learn to unabashedly thank myself for taking up the tools.
I do have the power to heal myself. So do you. We are so fortunate.
Sending love to each of you, Marie
With love to each of you
Dear everyone reading this,
Writing on a blog is hard for me….so public. But I’m doing this as part of my recovery. I really do treasure the comments you make.
Malcolm, your comment about ‘thinking about drugs’ …. you are not alone …. but you are also not alone in rejecting that thought. Thoughts just dance through our heads …. it doesn’t mean that’s who we are. My daughter taught me that. Blessings, have a great Thanksgiving! Laurie from NZ
Hi Laurie,
Happy Thanksgiving to you as well. I know this is “so public” as you say, so I am excited to see that you have been able to break through that concern and are writing here as part of your recovery. We appreciate you sharing your healing journey and your insights. Also, you have a wise daughter…keep listening to her.
With gratitude, love and blessings,
Howard
Thank you Marie. You inspire each and every one of us and warm our hearts.
With gratitude and love!
Howard