Two weeks ago, I posted, Fighting Parkinson’s, and giving up your old rights. Today, I want to look specifically at the right to hold on to anger, frustration, and resentment for something somebody said or did to you for which you feel that you will never be able to forgive them…your absolute right to hold that grudge. I ask you liberate your life and your recovery and to forgive them.
I know, many of you are thinking, “If Howard only knew what was said or done to me, he never would be asking me to forgive my tormentor.” You are incorrect. I am still asking you to forgive your tormentor because you will see that forgiveness is the gift you give yourself to release yourself from the bondage of your tormentor. And, this includes releasing yourself from yourself…we often become our worst tormentors…forgiveness begins with forgiving yourself.
Think about it. Whatever was said or done that was so terrible that you harbor the ill will that says, “I never will forgive that person,” is destroying you and destroying your health. Whoever was your tormentor has moved on. The torment only lives because you continue to carry the burden. I read that when Nelson Mandela finally was released from prison, he was asked about whether he was resentful toward his captors. His response was this: “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.”
Stop drinking the poison. Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. Think about whoever it is you feel you cannot forgive, and then experience how heavy a burden you carry. The person who said or did what it is that you find not forgivable has moved on. You are the only one still living with the burden they gave you. Forgiveness, and this can be done in silence from your heart, says, “I have carried this burden long enough. I forgive you and I now remove this burden from my life.”
You will be liberated. Burden after burden after burden…give forgiveness and unload the burdens. You will feel lighter, cleaner, the shackles will fall off, and you will be free. Free, except for the most difficult forgiveness of all…forgiving yourself for whatever it is that you feel you said, did, didn’t say or didn’t do that has forever placed you in the unworthy and undeserving category of life.
FORGIVE YOURSELF! IT IS NECESSARY!!!
You are your own worse critic, and many of the criticisms are the negative tapes playing in your subconscious…negative tapes created by somebody other than you. And, the negative tapes keep playing because you mostly do not even recognize they are there. They are telling you that you are not worthy enough, and that your house is not clean enough, and that you are not pretty enough, and that your job is not good enough, and __________ (fill in the blank as this is a long list). As you can see, somebody dropped these negative bombs on your head and you have been playing them in your mind time and again, ultimately accepting them as true and playing them against yourself.
It is time to lose your mind and come to your senses again. Forgive yourself and do not utter a critical word or think a critical thought about yourself. All of the criticisms are judgments. Stop judging yourself! It isn’t that you are thinking you are not worthy, but you are thinking you are not worthy enough. It isn’t that you are thinking your house is not clean, but you are thinking it is not clean enough. It isn’t that you are thinking you are not pretty, but you are thinking you are not pretty enough. It isn’t that you are thinking you do not have a job, but you are thinking that your job is not good enough.
To this, I have to say, ENOUGH!!! Stop judging yourself on yours and somebody else’s scale of beyond perfection and thinking that whatever you are doing in life is not good enough. Forgive yourself, and know this: YOUR BEST IS GOOD ENOUGH!
And then, give yourself a hug. You will need one. Here is one from me to help you through the forgiveness process. Practice forgiveness, unload your burden, release your shackles, be free, and live. Don’t just be alive, be alive and live the wonderful life you were meant to live. See it in your sights, and be it. Forgiveness will wipe your lenses clean so you can see clearly the beautiful life ahead of you.
You are worth it!!!
All my best,