Seven years ago, I began doing the Parkinson’s Recipe for Recovery®. Of course, back then it did not have a name…it was just what I was doing. At the same time, I began keeping a hand-written Parkinson’s Daily Journal. It is time to share my journal with all of you. Here is my October 14, 2009 journal entry, seven years ago today.
“10/14/09. Up at 4. Slow, same, no big deal. I will see Steven today, so I am smiling. I went up to USF to see him. He had an hour to kill, so we went to his dorm room and just hung out. I miss him, but I am very happy he is in college and seems to be doing incredibly well.
Genevieve is a high school junior this year and Victoria is a middle schooler…time has really flown by. I get to see them every day, so I am smiling about that, too.
It was an interesting day. I had the feeling a couple of times that Steven was going to ask me if anything was wrong with me. It was just the look on his face and the feeling it had given me.
I have terrible tremors this evening and I am going to bed early – what a mess.”
I guess you have figured out that we had not told our children yet about my Parkinson’s. We decided we were going to tell them, but we had to wait for a weekend where we could get Steven to come home for the weekend so we could tell them all at once. If memory serves me correctly, that day is coming soon. I am reading these journal entries each day with you and am not jumping ahead.
My tremors were on the inside, so it was not too large of an issue to “hide” the Parkinson’s. The stiffness and slowness and pain…I just told the girls that I had hurt myself, end of discussion.
Obviously, hiding the disease from my children was killing me on the inside, and the thought of telling them was just as debilitating. Sleep was my only escape.
You are worth it!!!
All my best,
Howard
Please note: I will be posting one post per day through the middle of November. If you subscribe to receive email notifications when I post new blog posts and you would prefer to not receive those daily email notifications, simply send me an email at howard@fightingparkinsonsdrugfree.com, and let me know that you do not wish to receive a daily email with a link to each post. I will remove you from the list through the middle of November and add you back on the list after the middle of November. However, I still would recommend you checking the blog on a regular basis as it will contain very useful information for understanding my journey and helping with your journey.
Howard, You found joy in your children and once again no matter how bad you felt you still let the love inside you radiate. This is something we all can do. Parkinsons cannot live in a loving, happy soul.
Howard, I feel your sadness in this post.
The not telling the kids, the going to bed early.
It’s just sad, but I’m glad you shared it.
It is just so real.
I agree with Judy. In relation to your children you are so vulnerable, since you take on their vulnerability too.
However, this is beginning to feel like an advent calender. Each day you look forward to open it! We will reach Christmas in November. Thank you Howard for your daily message!
(Don’t know if you have them in the US, as we do in Sweden?)
Thank you dear Howard
Your journal is something else!❤️
thank you Howard for sharing your experience with us give us the will to fight
Thank you Howard for your commitment to us. This is a verse that I feel applies to you.
“The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship. It is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him,” (Emerson)
God bless..Veronica 🌱🌺
I look forward to reading these every evening. Thanks Howard!
Thank you