Seven years ago, I began doing the Parkinson’s Recipe for Recovery®. Of course, back then it did not have a name…it was just what I was doing. At the same time, I began keeping a hand-written Parkinson’s Daily Journal. It is time to share my journal with all of you. Here is my October 24, 2009 journal entry, seven years ago today.
“10/24/09. Slept in until 6. Sometimes I feel I need to be up at 4 even on Saturday so I can learn more just sitting in the quiet of the morning before anybody else wakes up.
Seems like a no win…I need the rest, but I need to get better, too!
Took Victoria to her clarinet lesson, which we now will have on Saturday’s at 10am.
Around the house, I am noticing that there are things I no longer can do and other things I need help to do. It seems so odd – “things I no longer can do” – things I hope to do again some day, but need help with in the meantime. I remain forever hopeful.
Sally had to work a half-day today. I do not know how she does it all, and now with my additional burden…I just don’t know.”
I was beginning to struggle with the idea of accepting the help I was receiving from Sally and the children. As you can see, I referred to myself with Parkinson’s as a burden.
Click here to see how Sally assisted me with this difficult issue of accepting assistance without feeling like a burden.
You are worth it!!!
All my best,
Howard
Please note: I will be posting one post per day through the middle of November. If you subscribe to receive email notifications when I post new blog posts and you would prefer to not receive those daily email notifications, simply send me an email at howard@fightingparkinsonsdrugfree.com, and let me know that you do not wish to receive a daily email with a link to each post. I will remove you from the list through the middle of November and add you back on the list after the middle of November. However, I still would recommend you checking the blog on a regular basis as it will contain very useful information for understanding my journey and helping with your journey.
Howard, Its hard not to feel like a burden. Yesterday I tried to make a sandwich and I couldn’t do it… this is coming from a guy who used to cook 6 meals a day for 25 years.
Its just something you have to accept and know that its only temporary.
“WE ARE All WORTHY!!!” I believe those words! In the past I never wanted/needed anyone’s help even when friends/family wanted to help, but PD and this blog are teaching me it’s “okay” to accept help. I love that word “Okay”
Here’s something interesting, while typing those words I just received following text from my wife “Scrub a dub dub the bathroom” she never text me when she is cleaning. My reply to her was “Thank You Hugs’, because I need her help. Like Tony said “I know that it’s only temporary”
It’s a beautiful day to be alive “Even with PD”
Love, Peace, recovery and God’s blessing to all
Relation about a trip from Dresden to Berlin
On last Thursday, 18th of October, I went alone from Dresden (200 km in the South of Berlin) to Berlin, the first big trip in two years. I needed to see my dentist-naturopath to discuss with him how to deal with the tooth decay in my mouth, in a holistic way without drilling. According to the advice of Howard, I tried to not premeditate the difficulties of the trip and, instead, to look forward to enjoyable things and a positive outcome. Still I could not keep me from feeling concerns, and even serious doubts: Will I be able to do such a thing, alone and without company to help me a little? My physical state at home in Dresden is severe and seemed to indicate the opposite: During weeks I had been very debilitated and had had serious gait problems in the house, so I seldom left the house and felt very isolated from people and from life. But then, when the day came, I felt so undernourished socially and so tired of being all the time in that house with my parents, doing every day the same routine, that I firmly decided: No matter what difficulties I will have to face in Berlin, I will accept them and find a way to deal with them.
All I ate in the morning to give me energy for that long day was, at 6 AM, a mixed vege-table drink and, at 7:30 AM, just before leaving the house, a big tablespoon of coconut oil. The next meal would be only at 4 PM, after having seen the dentist. Pleasant ride to Berlin in travel bus: 2 1/2 hours. The bus arrived late in Berlin, so I had to hurry to arrive in time in the dentist’s practice. The bus I had to take to get to the dentist’s practice was just arriving, so I walked as quickly as I could to reach this bus. But suddenly, my leg got trapped in a long dog lead, in front of me I saw a tiny dog, but I couldn’t see the owner at the other end of the dog lead. It was dangerous, I risked to fall unpleasantly. When I, finally, managed to turn around and saw the owner, I got his attention (using my voice) and, eventually, liberated my leg without falling. My bus was about to leave, and I still was behind 20 or 30 m. So I had no choice: I began not to walk quickly, but to run as if I didn’t have Parkinson’s disease, using arms and legs with full power. When I was in the bus and the bus left, I was excited and unbelieving of what happened, and very happy.
This is wonderful empirical proof of what Howard says. The dopamine is there! It is just blocked by an interference of the mind that controls bodily functions it shouldn’t be in control of. Now, when a situation occurs that suddenly interrupts the interference of the mind – a situation of danger and where immediate, rapid action is needed –, the dopa-mine becomes instantly available. This was such a situation, and it felt really great.
I arrived in time in the dentist’s practice. The dentist spoke with me more than an hour and was very supportive concerning my idea of dealing with the tooth decay holistically rather than drilling the teeth. So I left his practice very content, thinking that it was not in vain to do such a long trip in order to meet this extraordinary doctor.
When I found myself in the bus that was to bring me back to the railway station, I still had enough time to get off and to go to my apartment in Berlin where I had to do some things. This meant that I would have to walk at least one and a half kilometre to the apartment and back to the bus stop, an effort that seemed me impossible prior to the trip. But I was in very good mood, and I was able to walk straight away from the bus stop with big strides and much better than I had imagined before: on a main street with many people susceptible to cause stress, but I was not stressed at all, I felt a wonderful joy. I reached my apartment, did what I had to do and went back to the bus stop. When I came to the hairdressing salon where they used to cut me my beard and my hair in 2013 and 2014, when I lived in Berlin, I looked whether the same hairdressers were still there. When I lived in Berlin, these were a man from Kurdistan and two men from Azer-baijan. The man from Kurdistan was just looking out of the window, and I smiled and he gave me back the smile and waved with his hand. First I didn’t stop walking to avoid the effort of starting again to walk. But then I thought: I have not seen them in two years and I will go in and say them hello. They were delighted. We shook hands and had a little chat. I asked whether the man from Azerbaijan was also there who used to cut me my beard and my hair, and he came out and was also very glad. Then the man from Kurdi-stan said a really huge sentence underlining it with a big smile and a heartfelt sign of his thumb: “You speak, you eat and you walk, so you are well. I see you are really well.” No wonder that, when I left the hairdressing salon, I walked again very well to the bus stop.
At the railway station I needed to use the toilet, and I asked a young man to help me change a banknote of €10. Instead, he paid it from his pocket. And then, in the travel bus back to Dresden, when I asked the second driver for a bottle of water, he also gave me back the banknote, smiled, stroked my arm with his hand and said: “Gratis.”
This day showed how true this is what Howard says. Fear is not real: Prior to the trip I expected insurmountable difficulties, instead, it was a day of joy and very good physical performance. A completely other reality than the one I expected! Vulnerability: The uni-verse seemed to think: This man takes risks, he opens all the doors and windows to let in the bad things as well as the good things, so I will reward him and send him only good things: kindness of many people, joy and very good physical performance.
I hesitate a little to send this long text to you. But I want to share my joy about this unexpected, extraordinary day. So here it is.
With love
Rainer
Rainer dear warrior, you ROCK!
Big love,
Karen xx
Thanks for your lovely story Rainer. I too have found similar moments when I’ve been able to run fast while playing with my child and when a negative thought such as “what will people think when they see me running with my walking stick in my hand?! She’s been pretending to be ill!” Comes into my head I can’t then do it. Our minds are the main culprit I’m sure of it. Xxx 🙂
Rainier, I love your beautiful story. Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s so easy to relate to all that social isolation at home. And to think you turned all the fear you anticipated into positivity and joy. All your trepidation became a flow of dopamine. And you ran! And the universe brought you love. Thank you again and sending all the happiness back at you! Susana
Great post Howard
Rainer, I too love your story. You trusted the Universe and the Universe provided.
You are an inspiration. Hugs Christine
Ranier, love your adventure. You conquered your fear and found joy! Blessings to all, Beth
Thanks, Howard, in this house his unworthy feelings expressed themselves as anger. Same difference. It has dimished and continues to diminish.
Sincerely,
Karen
Hope reigns supreme. Thank you all!
Thanks for your inspiring positivity Rainer.