Recently, a few people have mentioned that they do not know what they will do after they have their full recovery. They seemed anxious about not knowing “what’s next,” and it is creating a blockage in their recovery journey. I have reminded them that life goes on and not to create another worry as an impediment to their full recovery.
One of the shortest posts I have written is the post regarding my full recovery. Here it is:
“In my last entry, I explained how close I was to full recovery from Parkinson’s. In response, a friend sent me a note I read Friday morning that suggested I surrender my ego to my teacher and be done with it (Parkinson’s). I was confused.
I always have associated the term ego with being big-headed or full of oneself, so I needed to think about what she meant. Later in the morning I realized what it was — even though I was recovering, my ego, consciously and subconsciously, still was attached to the idea of me having Parkinson’s. I had to let that go, essentially surrender my ego to my teacher, the Higher Power, and just let go.
Friday night before I went to bed, I meditated on this realization and let go. On Saturday morning, I was symptom free. On Sunday, I cleaned the garage. It was the first time I ever have viewed cleaning the garage as a blessing.
All my best,
What was next? Cleaning the garage. Life goes on.
In the last couple of months of my recovery, I no longer could work; my symptoms had become too harsh. However, I did not worry about “what’s next.” I stayed focused on “what’s now.”
I had come to realize that for the previous 49 years I always was in a hurry to get to what’s next. Why? Because I saw my value as a human being to be based upon achievement and performance. If I was not achieving and performing, then I felt worthless.
However, this is how I was acting, how I was thinking, and how I was feeling when I got Parkinson’s. Acting, thinking, and feeling differently is what would get me better from Parkinson’s.
My new way of acting, thinking, and feeling was the authentic me. The way I had been acting, thinking, and feeling for the previous 49 years was not the real me, but instead, the me who I had become based upon how I felt I was expected to be.
In the end, I needed to be the real me, the one I could not describe, the one who was special simply because I existed.
And I let go of everything I was not, in favor of whatever would come next, even though I had no idea of what that would be. It was complete faith, and it overtook any fear I had remaining within me.
That was Friday night, June 11, 2010.
On Saturday the 12th, I was symptom free.
On Sunday the 13th, I cleaned the garage.
Okay! Apparently, that is what was next (at least in the short term). Life goes on.
You are worth it!!!
All my best,