Congratulations — you are getting close to the last week of the November to Remember, No Excuses November, 30-day Challenge 2019 to do the scaled-down version of the Parkinson’s Recipe for Recovery®. Also, here in the States, we are preparing for Thanksgiving on next Thursday. For many, it will be a time for seeing relatives and friends. There is much for which to be thankful, and I feel we all know this. However, a big part of making this Thanksgiving holiday wonderful and memorable, is the addition of one ingredient that you do not eat…compassion…for others and for yourself.
Thanksgiving is a good time to give thanks and gratitude, but also, it is a good time to revisit kindness and compassion. I am re-posting here the critical information from a few former posts on kindness and compassion:
Prior to my recovery from Parkinson’s Disease, the only other person I had met who had Parkinson’s was my mother. She was one of the kindest, most giving people you ever would have had the pleasure of knowing…kind and giving to others…not herself. Over the last nine and a half years, I have met with, spoken to, Skyped, FaceTimed, WhatApp Videoed and Zoom Videoed with, and exchanged emails with, an enormous amount of people with Parkinson’s from around the world. You are some of the kindest and most giving people I have met…kind and giving to others…not yourselves. I was the same way. Part of this recovery is learning to be kind to yourself.
You tend to put additional pressure on yourself to be better at everything than anybody else. It is that drive for the unattainable perfection that helped you bring your Parkinson’s symptoms to the surface in the first place…you are doing your absolute best, but you still feel it is not good enough.
On the other hand, you are accepting, kind, and giving to those around you who are doing their best and not being perfect. Something in your mind says, “It is okay for them to be less than perfect because I am going to be perfect enough for all of us.”
As a result of the expectation that you have to be perfect, you never stop thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking…your Adrenaline-mode mind does not stop. Because, to be perfect, you realize at some level that there are multiple exceptions that go to every rule, and there are multiple corollaries that go to every theorem, and there are multiple options that go with every choice…and you have to run them all down and solve them all…and they keep branching out into more exceptions and more corollaries and more options, and you can see where this cycle goes. It is endless.
For those of you without Parkinson’s, this scenario may seem strange and stressful. For those of you with Parkinson’s, I know many of you are reading this and thinking, “So, what’s your point. This is how things work, no big deal.” Here is my point: Thinking this way is a BIG DEAL! It cuts across all three causes of what brings Parkinson’s to the surface as diagnosable symptoms.
It causes anger, frustration, resentment, stress, and anxiety because you simply cannot solve every problem and every scenario. First, you get angry at the situation, and second, you get angry at yourself for being less than perfect and not “having all the answers.”
The anger, frustration, resentment, stress, and anxiety make it difficult to eat properly and you suffer from dietary disaster. Solving all these problems becomes more important than what or when or how you eat.
You burn the candle at both ends and in the middle and your mind never stops thinking, which completely wears it down and upsets our body’s natural rhythms.
So, how do you reverse this mess? Begin by being kind to yourself.
How to begin the process of being kind to yourself:
1. Look in the mirror and say, “I am not perfect.” For many of you, I know this will take some courage and resolve. The rest of us will patiently wait while you go take care of this. It is that important!
2. Go back to the mirror and say, “I do not have to be perfect.”
3. I know, lots of time in the mirror — Go back to the mirror and say, “When I am doing my best, it IS good enough.” This one seems logical, but it is not. Many of you have told me, “I am doing my best, but I do not think it is good enough.” Your best is your best; you cannot do any better than that. Be kind to yourself and accept that if you are doing your best, it is the best you can do, and it is good enough.
That is the formula to being kind to yourself. When somebody else falls short of an accomplishment, you offer them compassion and comfort and say, “That’s okay, you did your best, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It just wasn’t meant to happen.” Being kind to yourself means offering yourself the exact same compassion and comfort you offer others in the same circumstances.
These are critical lessons if you want to be successful with the Recipe and with your recovery. Here is why:
The Recipe is a soul, mind, and body recovery. If you do the body part (Qigong) and at the end, you say to yourself, “I did not do that Qigong perfectly or even good enough, so I probably will not recover,” you have moved backwards. Whatever benefit you have gained for the body is great, but your mind is in negative (self-beating) mode, and your soul is losing faith in recovery.
Be kind to yourself and turn this around:
At the conclusion of doing the Qigong, say to yourself, “In this moment of doing Qigong, I did the best possible Qigong that my Parkinson’s body would allow and I did great in moving forward with my recovery!” That attitude propels your mind with positive thinking, and it propels your soul with continuing faith and hope in your recovery.
There is nothing wrong with being kind to yourself. In fact, being kind to yourself will liberate you as you move forward on your path toward recovery.
So, while you are continuing to be kind to others, keep the happiness, joy and compassion alive by being kind to yourself.
When others ask to assist you with preparing your Thanksgiving holiday, be compassionate to them, smile a big smile, and say “Yes, I would love your help.” By doing this, you allow them to feel good about being able to do something for you.
However, prior to doing this, you need to find compassion for yourself and your situation with Parkinson’s. Otherwise, you either do not accept the help you need or the person feels badly in helping you because you are feeling badly about yourself…and it shows.
Please feel compassion for yourself and graciously accept whatever assistance you are being offered. Oh, yes, that feeling you get inside when you do this is your heart opening and your Dopamine flowing. That is why it feels so good.
Finally, please remember this critically important point: If you are doing the Recipe then you are doing great! When somebody asks you, “How are you doing?” please do not run down a mental evaluation of your symptoms that day to determine how to answer the question and then give them a rundown of how badly your symptoms are that day.
You are not your symptoms. This probably needs repeating: YOU ARE NOT YOUR SYMPTOMS! You are your soul, your spirit, your essence. If you are doing the Recipe with faith and you are asked, “How are you doing?” you should put a huge smile on your face and say, “I am doing great!”
Find kindness and compassion for yourself, and make this your best Thanksgiving ever!!!
Make the commitment to cure yourself from Parkinson’s!
Okay, everybody, put big smiles on your faces and chant together so the whole world can hear:
“Parkinson’s is curable.
I am my own Parkinson’s cure.
I am slowing, halting, and reversing the progression of my Parkinson’s.
I am extraordinary.
I am recovery.
I am doing great!
AND, I AM WORTH IT!!!”
Happy Thanksgiving to all!
All my best,
OK, nailed me on most points above, but I think I eat pretty well – thanks Ruth. Reading this blog made my head feel a-buzz with healthy vibes.
One thing occurs to me: I intellectually believe I’m a perfect example of myself right now – just not the perfection my mind expects me to be – which puts me right back in the boat Howard describes above…
Howard, thanks for providing so many wonderful tools and advice on how to send the mind with its unrealistic ideas of perfection packing. It helps me embrace the fact that I’m a perfectly good example of Chris Meyer right now, with lots of room to improve – and isn’t that wonderful! How boring life would be if I was already actually ‘perfected.’
Relaxing into active contentment in Wisconsin,
Thanks Howard and thanks Chris for your post — it made me smile.
The blog nailed quite a few of my “wrinkles” and pointed ways I could use to “smooth them out”, but this time not from the superficial cream on the outer skin but from the essence of my being in my inner self. WOW, now that calls for a nice glass of chilled white wine before dinner. Peace and happiness to fellow travellers, Jan UK
Thank you for this wonderful post! Boy does this ring many bells, ding ding ding!!!!!
I’m learning, also people pleasing is a big part of this, which leads to anger and frustration. I’m learning to speak my truth with compassion for myself and others which is not always easy.
This Thanksgiving in addition to family around the table and all the many blessings we’ve been given I am very grateful for you Howard, this wonderful Recipe for Recovery and all my fellow warriors. Thank you all for helping us all keep the faith.
Thanks for sharing and keeping me in focus. HAPPY Thanksgiving to you and your family. May God bless you for helping others.
Hi Howard, I realized after reading this that I always think I could have done things better. I always downplay my accomplishments and I have been that way for a long time. I will work on changing that!
Thanks to you for all that you do.