I began this year with “Fighting Parkinson’s, and 2026…the year of joy!” Part of feeling joy on the inside is the creation of internal joy. Today is part 3 of creating internal joy.
Creating internal joy
In the last two blog posts, I explained how smiling at people was a first step in creating internal joy. Also, adding conversation to the smiling was how I increased the internal. Moreover, these are part of the mind healing of the Parkinson’s Recipe for Recovery®. Finally, although I knew these two things felt good inside, I also knew that there was something else I needed to do. I needed to face my internal demons, defeat them, and find more joy.
Lacking awareness of internal demons
The term “internal demons” is the term I used to describe self-judgment, self-criticism, would have, could have, should have, and guilt. Also, it is the term I used to describe the triggered emotions of anger, frustration, resentment, anxiety, worry, and fear. However, I was unaware that these internal demons had been with me since childhood.
Early in our marriage, Sally asked me something that came as a complete surprise. One day, she said, “Why do you criticize yourself any time you make a mistake, even a simple mistake?” I questioned her what she meant. She responded, “Any time you make a mistake, you tell me that I am married to an idiot.”
Additionally, she added, “If you are saying that to me, I wonder what you say to yourself when nobody else is around.” However, my response to her was that I had no idea that I was saying this to her.
Finally, note to self: Do not tell Sally that she is married to an idiot.
However, this did not solve the underlying problem. As a result of not being in a place in life to explore why I was criticizing myself, I simply did not do it in front of her.
Finally, over 20 years later, the Parkinson’s arrived and it woke me up!
Gaining awareness of internal demons
The Parkinson’s arrived with many things. There were tremors, extreme stiffness, slowness, terrible balance, urgent and frequent urination, constipation, etc. However, something else arrived that I never knew about in the past.
A voice. Also, it was a loud voice. Additionally, it was a LOUD VOICE that never shut up.
Where did that voice come from?! Finally, it occurred to me that for the first time in my life I was hearing the voice of self-criticism. However, I knew it did not originate with me.
Also, I presumed that it was my dad’s voice of criticism, as well as others in my life who had criticized me. Additionally, I must have taken on board those self-criticisms, and subconsciously, had been repeating them to myself since childhood.
However, I knew I would defeat the self-criticism voice by repeatedly telling it to be quiet. Also, I told it to leave me alone. Additionally, I told it that it was wrong, that I was getting better.
Finally, I realized that I had been incorrect. Trying to quiet a LOUD VOICE that never shut up and had been silently criticizing me for decades was not going to work.
In my recovery, I overtook old bad habits by replacing them with new good habits. Also, now that I was aware of the internal demons, I needed a powerful plan. First, I needed to understand the internal demons better. Second, I needed to figure out how to defeat them.
Understanding the internal demons better
As a result of the self-criticizing voice being loud and clear, I was able to explore when am I hearing it the most. Also, what was it complaining about the most.
I realized that the voice would complain most when I was doing something. Additionally, the criticizing was about quantity, quality, and time.
Examples.
I would start to walk and would hear, “Look how slow you are crossing the room.” Time.
Also, I would begin a task and would hear, “You are not doing it well enough.” Quality.
Additionally, I would begin a task and would hear, “You are not doing enough.” Quantity.
Finally, now that I understood the internal demons better, I developed a plan to defeat them.
Defeating the internal demons
When I realized that the criticizing almost always came when I was doing something, it gave me awareness of how to defeat the internal demons.
Moreover, instead of trying to fight back against the internal demons, I took the conversation to God with gratitude. Additionally, I accomplished this by using the criticisms against themselves. Each criticism was a reminder that I was doing something, so I gave gratitude for the ability to do whatever I was doing.
Examples.
I would start to walk and would hear, “Look how slow you are.”
My response, “Thank you, God, I am walking.”
Also, I would begin to do the dishes and would hear, “You are going to drop that glass and break it.”
My response, “Thank you, God, I am doing the dishes.”
Additionally, I would sweep the kitchen floor and would hear, “You are not doing enough. You should be doing the hallway and the foyer”
My response, “Thank you, God, I am sweeping.”
Moreover, I would be getting dressed and would hear, “Look how hard it is to put on your socks.”
My response, “Thank you, God, I am putting on my socks.”
Finally, as you can see, each criticism was met with gratitude for the ability to do the task, in and over itself, using gratitude in the place of criticism.
A new awareness in defeating the internal demons
As you know, when I put a plan together to re-write the old habits and turn them into new positive habits, I was relentless in my actions. Also, this was no different.
Additionally, every criticism was met with “Thank you, God, [for whatever was the thing I was doing that brought on the criticism].” Moreover, I became abundantly grateful just for the ability to do anything I still could do.
As a result of this relentless practice, I became aware of some of the most wonderful things in my recovery:
Walking with God in gratitude brought me joy.
Also, the internal demon criticisms started becoming less, and this brought me joy.
Additionally, my movement started improving, and this brought me joy.
Moreover, this is when I woke up to the fact that it was the internal joy that must be releasing the dopamine. Finally, this last awareness brought me even more joy.
Now you can understand why in the first blog post of the year, I wrote:
“The Parkinson’s Recipe for Recovery® is a soul, mind, and body recovery protocol. Additionally, here is the one and only mathematical formula that I will ask you to memorize in doing the Recipe and working on your recovery:
JOY = DOPAMINE“
Conclusion
There is a part 4, final part, to the creation of internal joy. However, today has a lot to digest. You will have to come back here next week to read part 4.
Please post a comment below and let us know how much joy you feel inside when you give gratitude for whatever you can do!
You are worth it!!!
All my best,
Howard
Dankjewel Howard. ✨️
(Thank you, Howard)
Thank you Howard for this week’s blog! I had a dad who I knew loved me, however, all throughout my childhood he would often express his disappointment in words that were very hurtful and discouraging. Dad has a nickname for me that he verbalized way too often and it was S.C. (self-centered). When he called me SC over and over throughout my upbringing, he would chuckle at me as though he thought he could tease me into being less self-centered. I know that I still have work to do in fully forgiving my Dad. He passed away in 1986, from Lymphoma Cancer. I have all the internal voices that Howard wrote about in today’s blog. I am confident that with God‘s help, internal joy can win out over all those self-criticizing voices. I have forgiven my father of much, however, as I’ve stated, I have more work to do. I am grateful for the journey to full recovery that I am beginning to believe in more and more as time goes along. God bless you all today!
We all have relational trauma from our pasts to work through. Simply acknowledging that we have trauma helps us face it. When we face it, we can address it, and find our inner selves. When we do that, we can find our joy.
I am grateful to be here, to be myself, to be one with the Universal Energy, to be Joy!
Thank you, Howard, for your joyful example.
Awesome Howard!!! Thanks for sharing these wisdoms.
Marie
Amazing point of view, Howard!!! You are simply great!!!
Love and gratitude!!!
Thank you, God, for giving us Howard!!!
I feel so much joy in my heart and soul when I am connecting with another human, and I hear the joy and strength in my voice. It is such a great reminder to combat any “opinion” I am having about myself with a big “THANK YOU GOD…” This all leads to pure joy which brings me to my True Authentic Self.
And So It is…
Thank You Howard!
As for most of us, I have my own internal demons. Mine came from my mother, who always expected perfection. I know that she meant well, and I have found understanding and forgiveness. However there are still remnants of the demons that are blocking my joy. Now I have something practical to address this! I thought that gratitude was mainly a way to thwart anxiety. It is, but it is more. Gratitude is also a way to address the self-sabatoge by the internal demons when the gratitude is applied to myself.
Thank you Howard for pointing out a way to find joy by stopping the negative dialogue in my mind!
It seems another way to use the internal demons against themselves is to thank them for being such great reminders of what we actually do, and of our Gratitude to Great Spirit for doing them!
I give thanks for my body, my organs, my senses, my actions, my recovery, my family, my heart and soul…!
I give thanks for you, Howard,
and for all of you, fierce recovery warriors!
We are spreading Joy: internally, and out in the world.
Thank you!
Howard, thank you for the tools of joy to rid me of my demons. Thank you God, I am posting a reply to Howard for the Recipe!
Joy = Dopamine
Wow, just wow, so well timed, it is like you could hear my thoughts (which in a way I guess you could!). Thank you Howard, for a well timed message.
Thank you Howard for the post. Being grateful for things definitely ignites an inner joy and that is a wonderful feeling! Thank you God for all my blessings.
Thank you Howard! I praise God that I found you!
I am grateful and joyful to have Howard and this wonderful community to provide hope. I am also grateful and joyful to be able to type this.
Hello,
I know about demons. I was a special education student, and I was often told by the teachers, “You will never amount to anything.” My step-dad told me the exact same thing.
Overcoming Parkinson’s will even this out and help me feel worthy.
Thank you God for Howard! Thank you God for this opportunity to see such wonderful things in this life that I would otherwise not have.
This blog talks to me at a time that is very welcomed in my recovery journey.
Realizing I’m such a powerful being is life changing for me and others around me.
Such Gratitude for the ability to respond to this blog and being connected to such wonderful warriors.
We all are on the path together and we are all so worthy!
Thank you Howard
You are WORTHY right now Scott! You are created in God’s image. Clearly the labels were unfair and unkind. You are more capable than you thought. You came to the right place!
I am all too familiar with the negative dialogue in the mind! Self criticizing voices are the reason why I have adapted an attitude for gratitude. Howard taught me to be relentless about gratitude and because it also raises my vibrational frequency— I treat it like medicine. If beliefs are just thoughts repeated over and over again, it made sense that I would have to do what Howard instructs, “overtake old bad habits by replacing them with new good habits.” Walking with God in gratitude is a full-time job and worth every minute. It really does make me aware of all the things I’m capable of that the mind doesn’t think I can do— that’s pure joy! I also remember that the things I might take for granted are the things other people are asking for. That is powerful to remember. Thanks Howard, and God bless all the PD warriors.
#Temporary #Courageous #Limitless
Couldn’t agree more Yvonne!! I have become very aware of insidious thoughts. I love the way Howard is helping us turn our thoughts upside down. Whatever we are criticizing ourselves for because it’s not “good enough,” we then express gratitude for being able to do that very thing. This will be a real game-changer when we practice this as a way of life!
My brother was constantly criticised by my parents for being ‘slap-dash’ regarding his school work. To avoid the criticism I turned into a perfectionist and a grade A student,
but nothing was good enough for me. So I am the source of my internal demons!
Not sure if that makes it easier or harder to deal with them.
I am giving gratitude when I do something – and feel better for it.
Thank you Howard for showing us the way.
A beautiful post as always, with so much wisdom shared. Thank you so much, Howard. We are so lucky and blessed to have found you.
Joy = Dopamine!
All of the Joy blogs have been fantastic. Fighting the inner demon speaks to me so much for I have lots of them and it feels like the final thing that’s holding back my full recovery. So many things have improved and this gratitude practice really does turn around the negative emotions. I am working on it daily, and I’m seeing improvement.
I am grateful for the heightened awareness I have of these negative emotions and self judgment. The gratitude is the practice. Joy=dopamine.
We can all do this! I am sending along a smile to all.
As always, thank you to Howard for the inspiration and wisdom. Looks like Sally married a very wise person.
Best post ever!
Thank you sooooooo much Howard!!
Great post Howard!
Just what I needed! Some more tools to deal with internal demons! Thank you
Joy=Dopamine!
I wanted to share a poem a friend gave to me. it seems good timing with Howard’s joy posts!
When you finally realize that JOY
is less fireworks more firefly
less orchestra
more birdsong
she will come back much more often
for joy will not fight
with the fast pace of this life
she is not in the shiny or the new
she breathes in the basic
shimmers in the simple
and dances to the daily to and fro
JOY has been beckoning you
for many a year my friend
you were just too busy to see
the very next time JOY wraps
her quiet warmth around you
as the garden embraces your weary body
in its wildness
tip her a nod
you can not force her to stay
but if you are a gracious host
JOY comes back
Joy Comes Back by Donna Ashworth
I am grateful that I can challenge the criticizing demon by saying False Evidence Appearing Real and then completing what I am doing without a fearful charge.
Thank you Howard!
Looking forward to part 4.
Joy = Dopamine!
We are all worth it.
Thank you so much! Perfect message for the week. Sending all of you lots of love and best wishes.
I noticed through photos that my eyes looked sad as a child, but when I began practicing self acceptance, and from there through Howard’s guidance, I believe sad eyes are transformed to ones of joy. Thank You to Howard and my fellow warriors!
This is brilliant Howard! What a way to overpower the internal demons that tell us we are not enough and not worthy. I am so thankful for the things I can do and PD has made me so much more aware and so much more grateful for movements, abilities and positive thoughts. And joy!
I know we weren’t born with these internal demons so if they can find their way in, they can find their way out.
Thank you to everyone for the insightful and inspiring posts. As the poem said, I want to be a gracious host to JOY so that it knows it is most welcome.
JOY = DOPAMINE“
Thank you for this post, Howard! It is so helpful to bring the work down to the moment-to-moment inner judgements and criticisms that, for me, have become so automatic I hardly noticed how my inner demons were busy undermining my connection to joy. Thank God for Howard’s inspiration to give us the tool of gratitude as remedy. Self-criticism + gratitude = JOY= Dopamine and relief. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life being vigilant for my imperfections as if this were the best way to keep me safe. However, the end result has been more self criticism & self-judgement coupled with more fear, shame and adrenaline. Now I know I can let go of this bad habit by engaging gratitude, which immediately brings relief and a greater sense of safety. Thank you, God and thank you, Howard!!